Rich People and their Children
by Anonymous Plastic Surgery means mom and dad have the moola to pay for you to be beautiful like the Hollywood babes and the runway models. You see, they love you anyway, but want you to be happy....
View ArticleVery Important Ice Cream
by Anonymous I watched you pull your enormous white Lexus SUV (with California plates no less) out of the neighbors driveway while you chomped away on your freshly scooped cone. Are you really so...
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Things To Do This Week!
Things to do for Aug 1-Aug 4. by Bobby Roberts August is certainly stepping through the door with a swagger, boasting a week's worth of amazing—and amazingly unique and original—comedy from the...
View ArticleThings To Do Comedy
Funny things to do for August 1-August 15. by Chipp Terwilliger Stumptown Improv Festival If you’re not paying attention to Portland’s improv scene, you’re doing it wrong—it’s one of the city’s most...
View ArticleGood Morning, News: John McCain v. Donald Trump, Clinton Leaps Ahead, and...
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey GOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! And if I don't let you know, then I won't be for real. I could be wrong, but I feel like something could be going on. LET'S GO TO PRESS.A cyclist riding...
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Timbers Drop Close Decision in Kansas City
by Abe Asher USA TodayThe last time Sporting Kansas City played the Portland Timbers, Matt Besler chipped a spot-kick into the Timbers Army, Kevin Ellis sent his potential game-winning penalty off the...
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Thorns vs Reign Recap... Again!
by Erin O'Regan Still buzzing #PORvSEA#BAONPDXpic.twitter.com/7yAL5saqCv— Portland Thorns FC (@ThornsFC) July 31, 2016HOLY CRAP WE WONThe Portland Thorns beat the Seattle Reign 1-0 on Saturday night!...
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In September, Portland City Council Will Vote On Huge Police Oversight...
by Doug Brown The Portland City Council will vote next month on some major Portland Police Bureau (PPB) oversight changes and tonight will be one of the last chances for the community to speak up...
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Kochs Urge Billionaires to Abandon Trump — and That's the Bad News
by Matt Baume Trump describes how it is actually he who is the inspiration for every pizza box. You're welcome, America.JStone / Shutterstock.comOkay, let's see here, what's the dumbest news about...
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Jonathan Franzen is Clueless and Must Be Stopped
by Megan Burbank JONATHAN.Lesekreis via Wikimedia CommonsHere's a real thing author Jonathan Franzen said in an interview at Slate:Here are the various stages I went through as I tried to parse this...
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Love Pokémon Go? Need a Place to Live? Got a Lot of Money? Read This!
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey There should be a Venn diagram in which Pokémon Go, housing, and being independently wealthy intersect, right? Well, while we're waiting around for that, check out this...
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Bumbershoot Helpfully Announces Daily Schedule for 2016 Fest
by Dave Segal Pick a day, any day!The 46th annual Bumbershoot—which happens at Seattle Center September 2-4— has presented its day-by-day schedule, which you can view here. Friday's looking good on...
View ArticleYou Lied to Me About Your Age
by Anonymous Then you wonder why I was not into you? You are trying to find a lady to date and on the very first date start bitching about how cruel and awful women can be and how awful your mother...
View ArticleDipshit Cyclist on Foster
by Anonymous To the dickhead cyclist on SE Foster who called us assholes, flipped us off, and skipped his breaks to try and get us to hit him, let me explain a few things to you. We had no idea you...
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Good Morning, News: More Expensive Beer, More Apartments in SW Portland, and...
by Dirk VanderHart Coming soon to the South Waterfront: Up to 1,200 probably quite expensive apartments, courtesy of San Francisco's top apartment builder. A man who worked at Precision Castparts for...
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Pickathon Starlight Series, Episode 6: Thundercat
by Ned Lannamann Nehemiah SliwoskiPickathon 2016 starts this week! (Check back tomorrow for the Mercury's VERY THOROUGH guide to Portland's finest and funnest music festival.) And that means our video...
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Get Yer FREE Tix to the Adult Swim Drive-In Tour!
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey Courtesy Adult SwimIf you love Adult Swim—home of such beloved adult cartoons as Robot Chicken, Rick and Morty, and The Venture Bros.—then prepare to poop your pants in glee......
View ArticleSavage Love Letter of the Day: Just Say No
by Dan Savage I have a kink f-buddy who I get together with to act out "kidnap" role play scenarios. A typical scenario is that we arrange for me to be walking down some deserted road or alley and he...
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The Bachelorette Recap: Final Episode—Sorry to Have Wasted Your Time
by Campy Draper It's a tradition in my family to eat the hand of the bride.courtesy of @BacheloretteABCThis is it you guys. My LASTBachelor/Bachelorette recap. I’m calling it quits after this one...
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A Favorite Emoji Combo (😬🔫) Will Soon Be Obsolete
by Christopher Frizzelle This is the new gun emoji.Courtesy of AppleThe revolver emoji is out. Now in its place? A squirt gun:Apple's latest software update for the iPhone and iPad features one of its...
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