Clik here to view.
I resolve to continue my commitment to not drinking green juice or weighing myself. Ever.
I resolve to make an angry face at any man who grins at me on the street like we know each other when we don't know each other.
I resolve to unfollow Donald Trump on Twitter.
I'm not going to ghost anyone ever again.
The next time a well-meaning libertarian in his twenties tries to tell me about his personal philosophy of feminism over drinks, I resolve not to hear him out.
I resolve to continue not buying Ivanka Trump's godawful shoe line, because they are ugly and v uncomfy-looking.
I'm going to eat fewer chips.
I resolve to actively listen to those around me, unless they are saying something racist, xenophobic, homophobic, or sexist. Then I resolve to actively tell them to cram it.
This year I resolve to be the coolest guy at the roller rink.
I resolve to stop holding my Tinder dates to ridiculously high standards. (For example, launching into spontaneous dance like Emma Stone in La La Land.)
This year I resolve to stop giving people who vape a thumbs down. I'll give them a waggling side-thumb instead.
I resolve to make my hands less clammy, somehow.
I will join a credit union.
I resolve to learn how to french braid.
I resolve to purge the things I don't need.
I resolve to save $7 a month by switching to Spotify Family, and going halvsies on Netflix.
No more dating apps.
I resolve to pay others to do my dirty work.
The next time someone suggests that all of my health/emotional woes can be fixed with coconut oil, tea tree oil, apple cider vinegar, cutting out gluten, or the right crystal, I will say, "Huh. Hadn't thought of that. I'll definitely look into it," and then just never look into it.
