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Blazers Recap: This Dude Named Yogi Killed Us
by Arthur Bradford The Blazers lost another close one on Friday, ugh. They battled back from a 22 point deficit and traded blows right until the final buzzer, but in the end it was a little known...
View ArticleDaddy Didn't Love Me
by Anonymous Republicans appear to all have daddy issues. Dubya: Waged a war over daddy issues. Reagan: Well, he actually had mommy issues, but still. Bush One: His wife, god bless here, looked liked...
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Before Nordstrom Cut Ties with Ivanka, Its Three Presidents Sent This Memo...
by Sydney Brownstone LEV RADIN / SHUTTERSTOCK.COMAs we reported yesterday, Nordstrom severed its relationship from Ivanka Trump's brand of shoes and handbags. The company defended the move as...
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Things to Do Tonight!
by Mercury Staff The Stumptown Improv Festival Comedy is at peak blowup in Portland, and the Stumptown Improv Festival in August has been pushing it forward. But why wait until summer to see great...
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This Week's Movies: Say Anything, Kurosawa's Throne of Blood, Ghost in the...
by Mercury Staff B-Movie Bingo: TraxxYour monthly opportunity to literally check off a bingo card full of B-movie clichés! This month, get your mind boggled by the cinematic refuse that is 1988’s...
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Disappointing: There Isn't Even One Bilbo Baggins in Rings
by Andrew Wright Cinematic magic tricks rarely benefit from repetition, even when they involve a dead girl crawling out of an appliance. When re-watching 1998’s Ringu or its (arguably superior) 2002...
View ArticleLove in the Time of Melancholia at Sandy Hut
by Anonymous I saw you at the bar around 1am on Friday night. You were working on a crossword puzzle. There was a guy next to you who I stupidly assumed was your boyfriend. But he was also reading...
View ArticleDear One-Star Yelper
by Anonymous Fuck you. It's hard enough running a small business in this over-saturated market. It's hella expensive trying to drum up business by advertising with Yelp (any small business' worst...
View ArticleDog Faces
by Anonymous How fucking stupid have people become that they think it's funny/cool/cute to paste these stupid dog faces onto their photos? It's truly pathetic how easily amused and distracted people...
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Things to Do Tonight!
by Mercury Staff Haley Heynderickx, Lola Kirke, Wyndham, Johanna Warren You might know Lola Kirke from her role as an oboist on the Amazon series Mozart in the Jungle, or the 2017 Golden Globes, where...
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Here's a Movie in Which Gary Oldman Watches Teens Make Out
by Suzette Smith The Space Between Us asks you to believe that journalists would show up in ball gowns to a press conference about a rocket launch—and that afterwards, they would spill out onto a...
View ArticleIdiots
by Anonymous The majority of people are idiots, so most likely you're an idiot too. The problem is that you might not know you're an idiot. So, here's a little guide to help you find out.You're...
View ArticleDog Shit
by Anonymous At our house, we've been in the habit of calling out to people who leave dog shit in our yard, providing a bag when they claim they "just forgot" one, and generally giving the benefit of...
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Things to Do This Week: February 6-9
by Mercury Staff The week that follows the Unofficial National Holiday for Advertising and Gluttony (aka the Super Bowl) can sometimes feel like a slow motion hangover spread over 96 hours. But while...
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Good Morning, News: Trump Stumped by Courts, Putin v. Fox News, and Lady Gaga...
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey Getty / Tom PenningtonGOOD MORNING, BLOGTOWN! I'm beautiful in my way, 'cause God makes no mistakes. I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way. LET'S GO TO PRESS.Dear...
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PANIC! The Deadline for FREE Mercury Valentines is NOON TODAY (Monday! Eek!)
by Wm.™ Steven Humphrey Because we love you more than life itself, every year the Mercury happily publishes YOUR VALENTINES to your loved ones FOR FREE (!!) in our annual Valentine’s Day Issue—BUT...
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Oregonians Are Apparently Fascinated with "Punching Nazis"
by Dirk VanderHart YouTubeUgh.Really quick before I get into this, let me say that to be an employee at a journalistic enterprise these days is to be inundated with infographics. At some point in the...
View ArticleChains! Use 'Em!
by Anonymous Oh, I know, you just moved here from the Midwest or upstate New York or some other place that gets a boatload of snow every winter. You know how to drive in the snow! You probably took...
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Super Bowl LI: Patriots Win, So Evil Won
by Spike Friedman Ugh, fuck this guy. GettyGoddamn it.The goddamn Patriots won the goddamn Super Bowl in goddamn historic fashion, turning around a goddamn 25-point deficit to beat the goddamn Falcons...
View ArticleToday In Trump's Tongue Up Putin's Ass
by Dan Savage WaPo:President Trump offered a fulsome defense of Russian President Vladimir Putin over the weekend, leaving Republican lawmakers frustrated and flummoxed yet again by the president’s...
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