Climate change is real — but only when it provides a convenient reason for protecting the business interests of Donald Trump.
Here's the backstory: in 2014, Trump acquired a golf course on the coast of Ireland. Just a few days later, a storm wiped out a big stretch of the beach in what we can probably assume was an act of an angry God.
Trump, who apparently never met a wall he didn't like, had the perfect solution: build a 2-mile-long retaining wall to keep the property from eroding any further. The federal government said no, but Trump's people appealed that decision, citing climate change as a reason why the wall is needed.
"In our view, it could reasonably be expected that the rate of sea level rise might become twice of that presently occurring,"read the appeal.
This is not totally consistent with Donald's other stated expectations about climate change, which include, "I'm in Los Angeles and it's freezing. Global warming is a total, and very expensive, hoax!", and also, "The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S. manufacturing non-competitive."
Donald Trump doesn't actually think anything at all about climate change. He just says whatever he has to to get his way — so when it's Irish officials, climate change is real; and when it's appealing for votes from idiot Americans, climate change is a Chinese hoax.
At any rate, Donald will probably not have an opportunity to explain his various positions to international audiences before the election. He told the Wall Street Journal this weekend that he won't be doing any overseas travel. Why not? "I don’t think it registers with the voters, to be honest with you," says Trump.
And on that point, at least, he's probably right. The kind of person likely to vote for Trump is probably not the kind of person likely to be impressed by a well-worn passport.
"I’ve been invited by numerous countries to go," Trump said, adding that British officials extended an invitation. Is that true? Errrr, no, not really, at least not according to British officials.
And it's a shame that Trump won't have a chance to visit Europe before November, because he'd probably make a lot of friends there. A fantastic article on Newsweek this week draws the parallels between Trump and the right-wing xenophobes currently simmering to power in Europe — like Marine Le Pen, with France's National Front — and old-school despots like Robert Mugabe.
Trump's appeal, according to this article, boils down to a cult of personality, simple sentences, and creating enemies to oppose. Today it's Muslims and Mexicans, but other leaders have picked Jews or intellectuals or Americans.
I'm still optimistic that once the conventions are over and we move into the arcane number theory of manipulating the Electoral College, Trump will find it difficult to win enough states to pull off a victory.
But honestly, whether he wins or loses, Trump isn't the real threat. He's just the erosion on the beach, a symptom of a much bigger problem. Defeating him will no more cure American racism than building a two-mile wall will stop climate change.